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NEWSLETTER


Testimonials

To Ponder

Nautical Jokes

3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates.

 

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

 

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

You may think it's the RRRRR, but it's the C that they're in love with!  Aye.

 

How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?

A buck-an-ear!

 

Why do young pirates always fail when saying the alphabet in kindergarten?

Because their fathers insist that there are seven Cs!!!!

 

What takes a pirate 30 minutes but only lasts for 2?

An ARRRRgasm!

 

Why is pirating addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

 

How does a pirate get his mast up?

He uses a wench!

 

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck!

 

What does a Dyslexic Pirate Say?

RRAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

How does a pirate tell his wench he wants to have sex?

Drop yer sails and prepare t' be boarded!

 

Radio Conversation

This is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a British Navy ship and the Irish Coastguard, off the coast of Kerry:

Irish. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

British. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

Irish. Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ' to avoid collision.

British. This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Irish. Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

British. THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

Irish. THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ....... YOUR CALL!

 

Famous Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.  This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.

Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him.  He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.  However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual.  He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe.  In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside.  He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it a treasure map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea.  After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters.  He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others.  Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left

Starboard Right